Thursday, April 28, 2005


I'm cool.

No really, I am. I just don't show it very well. This week there was some confusion about whether Tony Blair was greeted by a chorus of "boo"s or "boom"s when visiting a school, with "boom" apparently being "street-talk" for "yea". Now, I don't believe this little yarn for a second but it set me to thinking; what if the kids slip out of my grasp, so to speak? There's every chance that I'm not down with the young 'uns and that when they shout things at me in the street, they may not be entirely complimentary. There's nothing for it, I'll have to invent a new slang, a new jive-talk that all the kids will adopt and so, far from being Mr. Catch-Up I'll be Super Fonzie... or at least regular Fonzie. It's an organic process and so can't be forced but what follows is a selection of my life's work so far.

Goodballoon's Slang.

What's winking = How are you?
My glands aren't up = I'm fine.
Walter Neff's match lighter = Thumb
Squire = Any collective noun e.g A squire of ducks, a squire of beans, a squire of lawyers
Rabid = Good
Griff = Bad
Barcode reader = Samuel Pepys
Jack = Man
Jackanory = Divorced man
Wall holes = Windows
Conk wailer = Mobile telephone
Bun = Hat
Cherry = Hat-pin
Galvaniser = Computer
Greenwich Quicktime = A computer programme used south of the river.
Greenwich Slowtime = A waltz.
Mexican food = Cunnilingus

You'll all be using it soon.

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