Friday, April 15, 2005


Democracy? Bah!

With a General Election in three weeks, democracy has never been so popular an idea. Oh yes, everyone wants a piece of that pie. Vote for this, vote for that, swings to the left, landslides to the Tories...well, lets not go too far, but you get the gist. Just in time Channel 4 has produced a list show that will, once and for all, prove that the public are not to be trusted with making decisions of any import whatsoever. The programme: The 100 greatest albums of all time.
I don't know the results of this show, how could I? But I'm willing to bet that the following bands/albums will all appear and the nasty truth about democracy will be there for everyone to see.

The Sex Pistols.
Yes, yes; God save the Queen, cheated out of the number one spot, blah, blah, blah... however it has never really been pointed out properly that they were shit. Proper shit. Shit band. Shit songs. Shit everything. Everyone on telly pretends to think they were good because really they were listening to The Bay City Rollers at the time, but want to look cool now. That goes for you too, Gallagher!

Robbie Williams.
Council estate Bryan Ferry.

The Rolling Stones.
I've tried. I've really tried but so much of what the Stones produced was so crap. Don't get me wrong, some of the songs are great, really great, but so many are such dull-arsed bad blues that I can't even get to bar twelve.

Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.
Good album. Top hundred of all time? Yeah. But it doesn't stop there. This monster will be vying for top five position, possibly the top spot itself, but it's not that good. Look at the track-listing and tell me the songs that you really like. With a little help from my friends? Really? Within you without you? Yeah? Honestly? When I'm sixty-four? I didn't think so. Now, I love the Beatles. I'm a Beatle-bore. Revolver is unquestionably the best album ever and should have the top five places to itself just to illustrate it's greatness. Sergeant Pepper is not.

Scissor Sisters.
Mark my words, this heap of cat-shite will be on this list. Don't believe the hype; it's poo.

Franz Ferdinand.
See above.

Name that tune? Try spotting one for starters.

That's all I've got for now.

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