Saturday, April 30, 2005


This Malteaser tastes of poo!

Hello kiddies! Or should I say "What's winking"?

Is there anything more depressing than a good-looking rightwinger? Doesn't it drive you nuts when something like this happens:
Check out her photo's: she's a really good-looking girl. Then check out her posts: She's a really good-looking Nazi. Now I know how Indiana Jones felt when he found out about Elsa.

Reasons to hate John Lennon:
Reason: Mr. Moonlight
Story: It's 1964. You're the biggest band in the World. You've released three albums including one of entirely your own compositions (A Hard Day's Night). Pressure is mounting for your fourth; it better be good. One problem: you've got a very limited number of new songs, the constant touring, filming and demand for new singles taking their toll. What about a few covers? Good idea! What about 'Leave my kitten alone' an absolute barn-stormer that sure to get the fans jumping up and down. Nah, Fuck it! Let's put on a simpering, sentimental piece of shite like 'Mr. Moonlight' instead. Jesus. Thank God the next album was 'Help!'.

Goodballoon's Slang:
Well the kids have gone completely 'anti-grav' (see below) for my new language and I think we can all see why. By my own admission it is completely 'rabid' and I think even 'barcode reader' would be proud to call it his own. Here's some more:

Sheriff = Idiot
Seeing dandruff = Goodbye
Anti-grav = doolaley
Reuters = Reuters
Plate-face = Kevin Spacey
Flap-clapper = Gutter-department doctor
Martian = Okay
Holmes = Beard (Can also use Cruz or Kidman)
Crystal ball = Calender
Hammock alley = Oxford Street
Millwall fans = Rapists

Hats off/Fuck off!
Michael Howard.
Hats off:
This week Michael managed to get the Prime Minister on the ropes after the Attorney General's original advice on the legality of a war in Iraq was published. If the right questions were asked Blair would be mortally damaged for good, his integrity shot down in flames, his style of Government, already slighted by Lord Butler, made to look ridiculous. All eyes were on the PM...
Fuck off:
...which unfortunately was not good enough for Michael. Why wasn't anyone looking at him? Why wasn't he getting more attention? What did he do? He admitted that had he seen this document himself he would have still voted for the conflict... If you would have voted for the war after seeing the document, what's the fucking problem? What's all the fuss about? Why are you wasting everyone's time gabbing like some kind of Tourette-suffering bonobo? You moron. I give up. It's your party. Arsehole.

Ways I knew I was getting old:
The other day I uttered the following sentence:
"I like Sundays; I can get loads of jobs done around the house."
Afterwards I heard feedback in my head and wanted to cut out my own eyes.

Things I'm listening to this week:
The Clash
New Oasis tracks
Kaiser Chiefs
Simon & Garfunkel
My heartbeat in my ears if I so much as look at a set of stairs. I've got to do some more exercise.

Seeing dandruff!

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