Tuesday, May 10, 2005


Flat-pack Government.

That reshuffled Cabinet in detail:

Tony Blair
Former Leee John impersonator in TV's 'Minipops', Anthony Blair is sure to make a big impression on the newbies in his Cabinet.

John Prescott
Marvellous John has come a long way since his early days as Sofia Coppola.

Gordon Brown
One-eyed man in proverbial 'kingdom of the blind' sexy Gordon is no match for big-brained Deputy Prime Minister John 'lumbago' Prescott.

Jack Straw
Spunky Jack makes a welcome return to the Foreign Office after being forced to remove his glasses due to that 'Iraq business'.

David Blunkett
Disappointed to find he wasn't as hard as he thought during an altercation between himself and a paternity test, David soon regained his confidence by reversing over some "blackies".

Charles Clarke
Oooo, scary.

Patricia Hewitt
Hypnotised to believe everyone she meets is a five-year old child, Patricia's easy charm and self-deprecating humour makes her a popular member of almost any quiz team.

Ruth Kelly

Margaret Beckett
Dashing Margaret is a real man's man. Saville Row suits and carefully waxed moustaches are very much the order of the day.

Alastair Darling
Alastair? Darling!

John Reid
Hearts are aflutter whenever this diminutive Scotsman is around. Unfortunately it's likely to be his own with William Hill giving you 2/1 on a fatal coronary before the next General Election.

Hillary Benn
Miss Benn is a real credit to her father, he must be very proud.

Tessa Jowell
Part of Tessa's real skill in Government has been a very thorough and detailed knowledge of every office she has entered from the start, her attention to detail and sharp mind proving her the most reliable of all ministers. I'm joking, of course! Tessa is an easy lay, as skilled with her mouth as her hand.

Peter Hain
The Gentleman's Gentleman, Peter retains his trademark sheen by taking years of broken promises and forgotten ideologies, pressing them between the pages of old copies of The Socialist Worker, scraping the juices from the nether regions of Digby Jones and smearing himself whilst listening to a CD loop of Norman Tebbit's famous 'cricket test' speech.

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