Saturday, October 29, 2005



Dear Mr President,

By the time you read this letter I'll be gone. I have decided, after the unfortunate events of this week, to resign my position as Chief of Staff to Vice President Dick Cheney. The last few years of serving you fellas has really been just wonderful; to watch you guys thrashing out foreign policy decisions over a game of five card stud, cutting taxes whilst watching WWF and ensuring that healthcare provisions for the poor are reduced year-on-year to pay for all the wrestling, or at least that's the way I understood it, well its all been quite a ride.

I was always surprised by the aggressive press we received, particularly from those liberal New York "types" (you can read between the lines): "Hero President in poll jag as war ends" was just one of the many heinous and inflammatory headlines that I can remember. Bastards. I feel that the decision to let Vice President Cheney do all of the talking worked wonders and really allowed you to concentrate on what was important, sir. How is that twelve-step plan going? That first one's a doozy, huh?

It would be a disservice to you not to cover the tragic events of this week. When you begin a course of action as we did in Iraq, you expect casualties. You know that good, decent men will have to pay with their lives but why the hell did it have to me? At least Miers threw them off the scent for a while, as did reaching 2,000 dead which, I might say, is a great deal fewer than we had hoped for. I mean projected.

Anyway, thanks for the memories Boss. Good luck cutting down on the crack and I'll see you inside,


" Scooter"

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