Thursday, October 13, 2005


Party down.

Pictured above we see all of the runners and riders for the leadership of the Conservative Party, but who's going to win? Here's a rundown:

- Laddy Hayes: Hard-working, dedicated and an unreconstructed anti-semite, Laddy is a favourite amongst the grass-root support but MP's are naturally wary of his dedication and hard-work. Odds: Likely to be squeezed until he shits atoms.

- Doreen Theft-Auto: Effervescent party-girl Doreen considers abortion, contraceptives, masturbation and not humping to all be forms of murder and so is incredibly popular when not asleep or pregnant. Odds: This spunk-jar is every gentleman's favourite.

- Drexel Watchkins: Muslim. Odds: I can't be bothered.

- Anton Rogers: Former Fresh Fields star Anton is mad-keen to be the best leader the Tories have ever had, Perry. With the whole-hearted support of co-star Julia McKenzie and a host of other celeb pals including Blue's Lee Ryan and the recently deceased John Peel-Day, Anton is the must-watch candidate of the race. Odds: May to December on.

- Linda Crack: Stern Linda is the fields no-nonsense candidate. Serious-minded with a keen intellect, Linda has a set of progressive, fair and compassionate proposals of her own including everyone having a pony, Christmas everyday and sweets for dinner. Linda is seven years old. Odds: 2-1 favourite.

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