Goodballoon's paunch

Yeddip! That's Jewish for "hello". Just thought you'd like to know. I picked that up from Lord Levy. He's a lovely old Jewbag: friendly and happy and cuddly and tricky. A cracking fella. I first ran into him back in 1983 when he was lining up groupies for Alvin Stardust to "boff". We ran into each other from time to time, sometimes at official functions in Whitehall, sometimes at unofficial functions in the darker corners of Soho. Mickey used to put on the most marvelous parties which he called his "no-taxers" - something that used to make us all roar with laughter. Occasionally he would put on Michael Burke's report on the original 1984 Ethiopian drought and make everyone laugh and have a shot of scotch whenever a kiddie swallowed a fly. Gay times!

Last April Michael offered me the chance to take a seat in the Lords for the bargain basement price of £750,000. Of course I took it; elevation to the highest echelons of society had been my dream since my father had bought my place at Eton. I immediately embezzled some cash from various businesses and clients, not least that fuckwit Lipp, and coughed up. Did I get the Lordship? Am I now clad in ermine, reclining on leather banquettes at the taxpayers expense? Do you really think I'd be talking to you no-class plebs if I was? I got jipped by New Labour sleaze at it's worst. It's absolutely despicable. At least you knew where you were with the Tories: I've lost count of the amount of superguns I shipped under Thatcher & co. Those were the days.