Wednesday, January 17, 2007


Award me an award for this tired award thing

Well, here we are at the beginning of the "awards season" (named after Awas the Greek god of self-congratulation) and what better way to show our joy at this special time than to give out a few awards of our own. So without further ado I give you...

The Goodballoon Awards 2007 (although primarily they will be looking at events of 2006)

First up, the red carpet!
Delivered at 3.14 by two men from Allied carpets this pillarbox red delight is a real sight for sore eyes. She is 15 feet wide and a punishing 23 feet long making her easily the biggest rug this side of Terry Wogan (boom boom). Christ! I'm sorry.

First award tonight is for Best use of hypnotism to make people think your film is better than it is. The nominations are:

Little Miss Sunshine

And the winner is... Borat. The panel congratulated the makers of the film on their ability to convince people that they were watching something new rather than an 80 minute edition of Sascha Baron Cohen's television programme. Well done.

Next up: Best keeping an eye on the horizon award.
This special award is given by the panel to the person or persons that they believe has given the greatest amount of thought on what the future may hold and how they may improve it. The nominations are:

Apple, inc - For their iPhone
Al Gore - For his environmental film 'An unfortunate series of events involving carbon emissions.'
Tony Blair - For the Blair Foundation

And the winner is... Tony Blair. Mr Blair has spent a great deal of time considering how to salvage something from the disaster that is his premiership of the United Kingdom. Having been jointly responsible (along with every other prick who voted for him in and his party in the last General Election) for 35,000 deaths last year Mr Blair has decided to start a charitible foundation like Bill Clinton's in order to make us like him again. Wealthy businessmen; expect a tap on the shoulder from Mikey Levy sometime in the next year.

Time for one more award before the end of part one and that is The worst band there has ever been. The nominations for this are...

The Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

see you after the break.

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