Thursday, January 25, 2007


Stuff it all in your A

It is astonishing just how boring humping and snorting can be. I've been so wealthy and so debauched for so long that I can't remember the last time I was truly excited... oh, hold on! It was 1987 and I'd just given Drew Barrymore her first line of cocaine. There's nothing like seeing a child star corrupted before your very eyes to quicken the heart and gladden the soul. Anyway, that's all I ever did with Drew; I'm not a complete pervert you know.

Ricky Gervais' strange website (it seems official and unofficial all at the same time, and not in a good way) is reporting that the American version of The Office could be about to earn him and Stephen Merchant $245,000,000 each. Apparently that is what Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld made when 'Seinfeld' was syndicated. I don't know what to say. Look at that number again. Go on, I'll wait. What are you thinking? Does it rhyme with "fucking hell"? Thought so.

It's good to see that finally the Catholic Church and the Anglican Church had found an area where they can get along, where they see eye-to-eye. I'm talking of their glorious union in the face of increasing rights for gay people. If only homo's had been around when The Troubles were kicking off, eh? Everyone could have warmed their cockles on the glorious site of a gaylord being shot through the kneecap rather than the horrible sectarianism we've been putting up with all these years. As long as it wasn't me. They could have had Nivers; he could have been a martyr, like Jesus.

Speaking of which...

The Sun has been crapping on like a big crap dispenser (Vernon Kaye) about Tom Cruise purportedly being a Christ figure to The Church of Scientology. A source close to Cruise (Cruise) said,

“Tom has been told he is Scientology’s Christ-like figure. Like Christ, he’s been criticised for his views. But future generations will realise he was right.”

Does that mean we get a crucifixion?

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