Monday, January 29, 2007


Tired... so tired.

Hello kiddies,

What's cooking? I'm ever so tired today. Really very fatigued. Now some of you might think you know why; you might say, "Oh! Mr Goodballoon, you live such a hectic lifestyle which such rich and fabulous friends that you're probably tired because you've done lots of cocaine to ease the effects of all the champagne you've quoffed. Your immune system and body-clock are probably in tatters."

You'd be right.

I'm in Los Angeles, California! Oh yeah! I spent the night partying at the Screen Actor's Guild awards. What an event that is; it's the equivilent of The South Bank Show awards and the Variety Club Awards all rolled into one. The big winner was Helen Mirren but I can't help but feel a little sorry for her at these occasions. Every time she wins a gong she has to kiss that dreadful husband of hers. He's no Rod Morgan, I can tell you.

Dame Helen is a woman who could turn even my cancerous old pate. Chesty and sexy and saucy and lovely and scrummy like a lovely, scrummy, chesty, sexy plate of saucy sausages. I think. I never know how to describe women. What should one compliment? The fanny (that's English for vagina)? A man is a much easier thing to say nice things about... watch and learn:

Clint Eastwood is a true gentleman. He is intelligent, interesting, inscrutable and other I words. His performances in High Plains Drifter, Dirty Harry and Star Wars make him one of the World's great film stars. He's a dab-hand behind the camera too. His penis is nearly three inches thick at the base. Mmmmmm.


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