Friday, March 09, 2007


Office politics

I once knew a chap that was forced to work in an office that he was not in charge of. I know for many of you this will be an idea as alien as nineteen simultaneously existing dimensions, metaphysical portile trivialisation or a Snow Patrol tune that didn't make you want to open a vein from tail to top and empty it's contents all over a newborn lamb, but this does happen to some people. This fella gave me a list of truths and half-truths about working in an office which I feel I should share (what with him being unable to due to disability):

- If a male member of staff has a day off sick the first person to mention "man-flu" on his return is the stupidest person in the office.

- If there are four people in your line of sight, three of them will make you feel physically sick. Number four you will merely wish death upon.

- Lunchtime is never quite the Malibu beach party you'd expect.

- Sick days are far more convincing in twos than ones. Three may be a bridge too far.

- It really doesn't matter what you do in terms of quality of work so long as you talk about it as loud as possible. If you are able to talk over someone you will almost certainly get credit for your work and their work.

- People who sing along to the radio are absolute unbridled twats.

As I say I have no idea what any of this is about, but it may be of interest to someone.

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