Monday, July 02, 2007


Join me

Right, I've had enough. I am absolutely going forward with my terrorist training camp. These so-called "jihadists" are a bloody shambles. Two car-bombs that wouldn't have scorched the radio volume control knobs, and an airport attack that did less damage than the average Scottish family at the Irn Bru counter. Jesus! We that follow Allah (and of course I have been an ardent pupil of Mohammed since 9/11) should feel nothing but shame at these second-rate subversives.

My new training camp will have all that any would-be suicide bomber, amateur pilot, or IED-maker would need to ensure that 75 virgins will be theirs in a few explosive moments. Facilities will include:

- Kidnap 101
- Rocket-launcher techniques
- Video production (including internet distribution)
- Beard care

Should you be interested in joining up then call us right away. Spaces are short (although around twenty should free up around the end of August - nudge, wink) and the first ten that sign up will receive a selection of box-cutters in any colour of their choice.

The training camp is part-funded by the National Lottery and our commercial partners at Nike.

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