Goodballoon's paunch

Here is very nice article from George Monbiot in The Guardian. Beautifully written and incredibly damning of the Brown administration... pretty depressing too.

God rest your soul, Mike Reid. You always seemed like a nice enough fellow, although I was never sure about your sartorial sense. You also seemed to miss the new wave of comedy in the 1980's which sometimes meant that a few of your jokes were a little... shall we say, misjudged. Anyway, I'll leave the last word to your agent,

"He would see the funny side of any situation, no matter how black it was."

Oh... that was a mistake.

Jon Gaunt is a cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt.

I could go into his ludicrous right-wing, violence-urging, nonsensical, xenophobic, lowest-common-denominator appeasing views, but why bother when copy-and-paste does the job so much better?

Alas, we have passed through the looking-glass once again. After Hutton, Lord Butler et al, we now have the CPS tirelessly helping to protect Blair's image by craping out of a prosecution of anyone involved in the Cash for Honours thingy. Now, we all know that they were renting out peerages to those that kept their Frankenstein's monster of a party afloat. We know they would help those who shored up pet projects like academies and Millenium Domes. We know that Levy and his ilk were part of a conspiracy of silence on the matter that went all the way to Blair, but the CPS has decided that the evidence is not there. Fine.

What isn't fine, however, is this little period after the fact. This is the point after Lord Hutton's enquiry where Alastair Campbell got to glower and gloat from a podium like some small-time mafiosi who'd scared a jury into getting him off a racketeering charge. It was here that Greg Dyke was forced out of his job and the BBC started a period of navel-gazing that still with us today. With Cash for Honours we are getting arsehole articles like the one in today's Observer by Sarah Helm, wife of Jonathan Powell, himself the ex-Chief of Staff of Tony Blair. She writes:

"I know one shouldn't make these comparisons, but I was writing about Nazi Germany right then and I couldn't help think: Gestapo tactics! Pick on the vulnerable, preferably a single woman, living alone. No matter that you may have nothing on her that will ultimately stand up in court - give her a scare."

And...

"At best we saw just sloppy, bad reporting, and at worst, cheap sensation and vindictive lies."

Brilliant. She accuses the police of "Gestapo tactics!" and then the press of "cheap sensation"; it's good to see that New Labour consistency still on display. Perhaps someone should speak to Ms Helm about the Gestapo and what they actually did. The Gestapo was a secret agency that operated outside of judicial control and so was able to lock people up without trial. The Gestapo were used to control those in Germany and occupied countries by means of arrest and execution, often in very large numbers and, again without any oversight by a court. They would often work on leads or "denuciations" by members of the public who were encouraged to inform on their fellow citizens.

Inspector Yates woke Ruth Turner up and arrested her because he felt she may have perverted the course of justice. She was taken to a police station, charged, questioned and released. Her file has gone to the CPS and they have decided she should not be prosecuted. Case closed, as they say.

On June the 2nd 2006, Mohammed Abdul Kahar and Abul Koyair were arrested in a 4am raid on their home in Lansdowne Road, Forest Gate. Kahar was shot in the shoulder during the raid, which involved over 200 police officers. The men were held for over a week without being made aware of the charges against them, but could have been held for up to 28 days without any charge under anti-terror guidelines introduced by the Government (who, along with the police, would have preferred 90 days). The raid was prompted by information from Mohammed Abu Bakr Mansha, a 22 year-old with an IQ of just 69, a full 31 points less than the national average. Reports indicate that Scotland Yard was not happy with the quality of the information and were prompted to act upon it by Sir Richard Mottram in the Cabinet Office. The full cost of the raid was over £2,000,000. Blair said he supported the police action "101%".

So here we have:

- 200+ police officers.
- Pre-dawn raid.
- Use of extreme force.
- A weeks detention.
- Use of sub-standard informants and information.
- Governmental intervention.

Now, I could get over-excited like most of the maniacs of the left and accuse the police and Government of Gestapo tactics (although I wouldn't add the tabloidesque exclamation mark that Sarah Helm feels inclined to use), but I won't. They were pressed into a untenable position and felt compelled to act. I would however say this: next time you are writing a piece for a Sunday newspaper and want people to take your position seriously, don't make ridiculous accusations and over-blown statements about police brutality that don't hold up. Don't bandy around comparisons to the Nazis when a friend of yours gets a taste of something that your husband and his cronies have helped to spread. Oh, and please don't push your luck too far by doing your best Campbell impression and gloating over the bruised body of your opponent; hubris is a terrible thing, you know.

From the BBC website today:

"One in 14 adults cannot answer a maths question aimed at eight-year-old children, a survey suggests. The question was: What is one eighth of 32? The options given were a)6 b)4 c)2 d)8 e)None of these f)Don't know - the correct answer being b)4."

Isn't that amazing? 1 in 14 adults couldn't answer that question. That's nearly 20%!







Boom.

Boom.

I can't wait for Alan Bond's new exciting adventure, once he comes back to life.

Here's Michael Grade, quoted on Friday afternoon, talking about the BBC/Queen-storming-out thingy:

"We are in an age today where there has been a huge influx of young talent into the industry as it expands. They have not been trained properly, they don't understand that you do not lie to audiences at any time, in any show - whether it's news or whether it's a quiz show ... It's desperately important that we restore trust and that the programme-makers get to understand - whether through hard lessons or through training or a combination of both - that you do not lie to audiences under any circumstances."

Interesting. In less than twenty-four hours Michael Grade has been made aware of a problem, considered what the likely causes of that problem are, researched his hypothesis, concluded he was correct, and then made a statement to that effect. Now, what he says may be true; it may be that for years now a slow drip-drip of inexperienced talent in the media has lowered the quality threshold until we get to the point where nobody knows any better, but shouldn't their superiors (including one M. Grade) have been checking to see what was going on? Aren't they paid to do precisely that? And isn't it strange just how quickly Grade reached this conclusion? It's almost as if he's known about all of this for ages and didn't say anything; strange behaviour for someone who has been the Chairman of the BBC and head of ITV over the last couple of years.

Of course the real problem is that most television is made in precisely the same way as the Queen clip with timelines switched around and events being shown out of their correct order to better tell a story or to get a different effect. Most directors and editors do it skillfully enough that the public don't notice (or at least pretend not to notice). The problem here is that RDF, the programme-makers, are complete fucking idiots and made a pigs-ear of it, plus the palace complained and the Beeb shat themselves. You try getting them to move as fast as this if you get stitched up. It'll take more than a call to 'Points of view' to get Peter Fincham on 'Newsnight' on the verge of tears when 'Watchdog' makes you look a prick.

Suffice it to say this will all blow-over and it will be business as usual at TV Centre by Friday, although a ritual sacrifice or two may occur first.

This is what TV was designed for.

When you think of American television, ten minutes of a man talking probably isn't the first thing that springs to mind, but here it is; can you imagine someone doing this on London Tonight?

P.S. If your a Yank, and you've seen this, yet not written to your congressmen requesting an impeachment bid... shame on you.

Some lovely doggy-woggies that sniffed out the nasty bombs on July 7th are to be given special doggy medals for being big brave boys. Aren't you? Aren't you? Yeeeeeessssss...

Ahem. Other things to be honoured during the ceremony:

- Nelson of Nelson's column
- The carriage that exploded at Russell Square
- The dead Thames whale
- Roy Orbison's sunglasses
- Kylie Minogue
- A police breathalyser
- Einstein's chalk and blackboard
- Tower One of the World Trade Center

All fine and deserving recipients, I'm sure you'll agree.

Right, I've had enough. I am absolutely going forward with my terrorist training camp. These so-called "jihadists" are a bloody shambles. Two car-bombs that wouldn't have scorched the radio volume control knobs, and an airport attack that did less damage than the average Scottish family at the Irn Bru counter. Jesus! We that follow Allah (and of course I have been an ardent pupil of Mohammed since 9/11) should feel nothing but shame at these second-rate subversives.

My new training camp will have all that any would-be suicide bomber, amateur pilot, or IED-maker would need to ensure that 75 virgins will be theirs in a few explosive moments. Facilities will include:

- Kidnap 101
- Rocket-launcher techniques
- Video production (including internet distribution)
- Beard care

Should you be interested in joining up then call us right away. Spaces are short (although around twenty should free up around the end of August - nudge, wink) and the first ten that sign up will receive a selection of box-cutters in any colour of their choice.

The training camp is part-funded by the National Lottery and our commercial partners at Nike.