Sunday, August 27, 2006
Secret messages... Wooooooooooo
Words that are good:
- Bradford
- Alpen
- Dirty
- Daub
- Idiocy
- Eat
- Lavender
- Item
- Salad
- Avocado
- Bedford
- Untie
- Medway
- Masculine
- Evil
- Random
But my favourite word of all is Acronym. Cheers
- Bradford
- Alpen
- Dirty
- Daub
- Idiocy
- Eat
- Lavender
- Item
- Salad
- Avocado
- Bedford
- Untie
- Medway
- Masculine
- Evil
- Random
But my favourite word of all is Acronym. Cheers
Monday, August 21, 2006
Opportunities in TV
Are you a male aged between 18-27?
Do you have fundamentalist religious views that put you at odds with your contemporaries?
Do you feel alientated by the decadence of western society and wish death upon your Zionist oppressors?
If the answer to these questions is 'yes' then Endemol and Channel 4 are looking for you. We needs six young jihadists who are willing to undergo six weeks of rigorous training at our 'terror camp' before facing your final and ultimate test out on the public transportation system of a major city. If you think you have what it takes to complete 'Martyr School' then contact us immediately.
Paradise, and the destruction of the western imperialists, is just a phonecall away.
Do you have fundamentalist religious views that put you at odds with your contemporaries?
Do you feel alientated by the decadence of western society and wish death upon your Zionist oppressors?
If the answer to these questions is 'yes' then Endemol and Channel 4 are looking for you. We needs six young jihadists who are willing to undergo six weeks of rigorous training at our 'terror camp' before facing your final and ultimate test out on the public transportation system of a major city. If you think you have what it takes to complete 'Martyr School' then contact us immediately.
Paradise, and the destruction of the western imperialists, is just a phonecall away.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Charity
Here's Gwenda Paltroon:
But what can she mean "I am African"? Well here at Goodballoon-o-celeb-arama-dy we can reveal that Gwen is a new convert to the 'Cape Town diet'; a mixture of malnourishment and deficient immune system which helps the post-baby pounds drop off in months leading to a hideous death that is all but ignored by the Western world. Doesn't she look fabulous?
But what can she mean "I am African"? Well here at Goodballoon-o-celeb-arama-dy we can reveal that Gwen is a new convert to the 'Cape Town diet'; a mixture of malnourishment and deficient immune system which helps the post-baby pounds drop off in months leading to a hideous death that is all but ignored by the Western world. Doesn't she look fabulous?
Reek
Good news! I have just heard from an associate in Paris that my new fragrance is about to go into production. 'Goodballoon by Goodballoon' is a scent created by myself and Beau to appeal to the latent heterosexual in all of us. Using extract of beech, beach, legume, ragwort, quidditch, rosehip and jus de taint we have mixed, stirred, swilled and sniffed our cotton socks off to create something that reflects my own particular brand of success, class, bigotry, wealth and excessive consumption. 'Goodballoon by Goodballoon' will be available in all good department stores and selected branches of Pets At Home.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
You're through to the next round...
In the Autumn of 2003 I was employed by the CBC television company in Canada to be a judge on their new series 'Dance me off, baby!' It was a dance talent contest and I was to be one of the judges. The first audition was in Montreal and I was part of the star-studded panel along David Watson and Olivia Gibbs. Yes, Olivia Gibbs!
I was employed by the channel as a bit of a 'Mister Nasty' character, a role which I believe I filled remarkably well. However the channel felt that i had overstepped the mark somewhat and never broadcast the programme becasue of it. Here are my top five insults for you to be the judge of:
1) (To a seventeen year-old who'd just done a spot of ballet) "If you were gay, I wouldn't f**k you!"
2) (To a fourteen year-old tapper) "No thanks, we've got enough tw*ts!"
3) (To a jiving couple) "If that dance was an animal, I'd rape it."
4) (Fourteen year-old disco-dancer) "Bring your mother in so she can be ashamed of you."
5) (Twenty-four year old Salsa dancer) "C**t!"
Reasonable enough, no?
I was employed by the channel as a bit of a 'Mister Nasty' character, a role which I believe I filled remarkably well. However the channel felt that i had overstepped the mark somewhat and never broadcast the programme becasue of it. Here are my top five insults for you to be the judge of:
1) (To a seventeen year-old who'd just done a spot of ballet) "If you were gay, I wouldn't f**k you!"
2) (To a fourteen year-old tapper) "No thanks, we've got enough tw*ts!"
3) (To a jiving couple) "If that dance was an animal, I'd rape it."
4) (Fourteen year-old disco-dancer) "Bring your mother in so she can be ashamed of you."
5) (Twenty-four year old Salsa dancer) "C**t!"
Reasonable enough, no?
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Pissy
Where does the chap on the PC World advert get off being so rude to those two young students? I'd piss on his Intel chips if he spoke to me like that. That said, I have a 13% stake in PC World and so partly own that young man, amongst others.
Anyway, here's more top star based news:
"Hilarious comedy funny-bones Will Ferrell (pictured) is saddened by the imminent death of Burt Reynolds. 'I'm a big fan of Burt Reynolds and will certainly be sending a lackey to his funeral' he said yesterday at the premiere of his movie, 'Turtlebaub: The hope of a nation'. Also present was Ben Stiller but no one noticed or cared."
Having written that I have noticed that at least 70% of the words can be put in any order within the paragraph; is that normal?
Anyway, here's more top star based news:
"Hilarious comedy funny-bones Will Ferrell (pictured) is saddened by the imminent death of Burt Reynolds. 'I'm a big fan of Burt Reynolds and will certainly be sending a lackey to his funeral' he said yesterday at the premiere of his movie, 'Turtlebaub: The hope of a nation'. Also present was Ben Stiller but no one noticed or cared."
Having written that I have noticed that at least 70% of the words can be put in any order within the paragraph; is that normal?
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
What Would Jasper Goodballoon Do?
It's a good question. I've noted the popularity of 'celebrity' inter-sites on the World Wide Net and, having been away a while, have decided to inject a little celeb-based news into the usual highbrow fayre we have on this page in order to boost my hits (whatever that is). Here goes:
'Lindy Losan's carrot addiction has become too much for her movie executive bosses. As our exclusive picture show Lindy has not given up her night-vision nastiness and RKO boss Walter Fisherton has strong words for her,
"Lindy is a top star and her carrot chomping has in no way altered her professionalism on set, nor her exemplary human decency in her day-to-day life."
Phew! Calm down Walt. You bender.'
Well, what do you think of that gang? Quite a scoop, eh? Assuming it starts getting emailed around as soon as I publish this, I should be registering some serious traffic by the early AM. I'll get Beau to keep an eye on it as I'll be producing a little traffic of my own at that time; join me at www.tightandbrightwhitekeepyouupallnight.com
Lovely.
'Lindy Losan's carrot addiction has become too much for her movie executive bosses. As our exclusive picture show Lindy has not given up her night-vision nastiness and RKO boss Walter Fisherton has strong words for her,
"Lindy is a top star and her carrot chomping has in no way altered her professionalism on set, nor her exemplary human decency in her day-to-day life."
Phew! Calm down Walt. You bender.'
Well, what do you think of that gang? Quite a scoop, eh? Assuming it starts getting emailed around as soon as I publish this, I should be registering some serious traffic by the early AM. I'll get Beau to keep an eye on it as I'll be producing a little traffic of my own at that time; join me at www.tightandbrightwhitekeepyouupallnight.com
Lovely.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Lazarus
Jesus wept! How long does it take? An elderly man who has been updating his blop diary almost daily for the better part of a year, disappears for four months and no one thinks to check on him. What the hell... It's the equivalent of milk bottles stacking up and the stink of green bacon under the door; you are meant to call somebody. Fucking geeks!
How are you, the internet? All okay? I'm well enough, I suppose, although the last couple of months have been a little dicky. In the main I have been involved in the day-to-day discussions in the Middle East which, I feel, have come off rather marvellously. I am rather flush now that my pockets have been filled with lovely Iranian Rials and have treated myself whilst the transfer window is open. I have instructed my newly hired assistant Beau to scout a couple of young soccer players that I can put on my books, as it were; make a bit of a splash in the football world. I currently have my eye on a 17 year-old Greek.
What else has happened? I had something removed from me. The operation was a complete success. I'm hoping it'll be put back this month; depends if Costas and I reach personal terms.
Good to see my old friend Mickey Levy bounce back. Mark my words, even when found guilty he will show the pride and dignity he is famous for.
How are you, the internet? All okay? I'm well enough, I suppose, although the last couple of months have been a little dicky. In the main I have been involved in the day-to-day discussions in the Middle East which, I feel, have come off rather marvellously. I am rather flush now that my pockets have been filled with lovely Iranian Rials and have treated myself whilst the transfer window is open. I have instructed my newly hired assistant Beau to scout a couple of young soccer players that I can put on my books, as it were; make a bit of a splash in the football world. I currently have my eye on a 17 year-old Greek.
What else has happened? I had something removed from me. The operation was a complete success. I'm hoping it'll be put back this month; depends if Costas and I reach personal terms.
Good to see my old friend Mickey Levy bounce back. Mark my words, even when found guilty he will show the pride and dignity he is famous for.
